I call it Toilet Training Purgatory rather than Toilet Trainng Hell, because the assumption is that eventually we get to leave. Also, the thing about Purgatory is that the suffering is not intended to be pointless. There's an actual reason behind it. It's good for you! All these things are so, so true of the Dread Toilet Training.
When the Taller Girl was still the Tiny Girl I learned all the approved wisdom. Best starting time - "the summer closest to when they're two". So, potentially as young as 18 months. And, dutifully we went through the various stages...
The "training her to wee every 59 minutes" (by taking her to the toilet every hour) stage.
The "use her natural desire not to have a wet bottom" stage (requirements - child who actually posesses one of these "natural desire not to have a wet bottom" things. Oops).
The "drive her batshit by asking her if she needs to go ALL THE TIME" stage.
The "give up and try again in 6 months" stage.
The "bribery by stickers" stage.
and finally...
The "bribery by LOLLIES" stage.
And, ultimately, at about age 3 1/2, we had a toilet trained daughter.
With the Smaller Girl, we were much smarter. We didn't start at all till 3 months after her third birthday. Still took a good six months.
Now there's just the Small Boy to go. So we have a child who's (a) a boy and (b) diagnosed autistic. And yet, this time, it's actually much easier. Because he's better at it? Hell no - he sucks at it, to be completely honest. What's changed is my expectations. I don't have any. Sure, small boy, I'll create the opportunities - your job to take them. Or more likely not. I have a very Zen-like attitude to the whole process this time around. Yes, we may be doing this for a year but hey, it's really just a bunch of extra trousers to wash when you get right down to it. So at this point I'd like to provide the list of reasons why whatever your kid's doing in the TT stakes, you can call it good.
If they drink lots and wee lots it's good because...they're getting lots of chances to get it right.
If they drink hardly anything and wee approximately never it's good because... you don't have to wash a million pairs of trousers.
If they wee on the floor as soon as you say "lets go to the toilet" it's good because ... it's helping them connect thniking about the toilet to the act of weeing.
If you take them, they do nothing, then take a dump in their pants five minutes later it's good because ... you know you gave them the chance at the right time. You did your job - they'll get on to theirs eventually
If they run off to hide behind the shed every time they need to go it's good because ... it shows they know when they need to go.
If they wee on the floor on the way to the toilet it's good because ... it's easier to clean than the bedroom carpet.
If they take a dump on the floor and paint the walls with the proceeds it's good because ... oh ok, you've got me there. I don't actually have anything good to say about poo-smearing.
And if you turn your back and they run off to the toilet and do it all by themselves ... WIN!
